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‘Balling my eyes out’: Joey Essex’s Grief And Me documentary leaves ‘heartbroken’ viewers in tears

‘Balling my eyes out’: Joey Essex’s Grief And Me documentary leaves ‘heartbroken’ viewers in tears

Joey Essex has candidly mentioned how his mom dying by suicide when he was simply 10 years outdated has impacted his relationships with girls.

Talking on Thursday in his new documentary Grief And Me, the TOWIE star, 30, touched upon the explanations he believes he has struggled to stay in a relationship.

Viewers flocked to Twitter to share that that they had been left ‘heartbroken’ by the BBC documentary, with many revealing they have been ‘balling’ their eyes out whereas praising Joey’s bravery.

Heartbreaking: Joey Essex, 30, has candidly discussed how his mother dying by suicide when he was just 10 years old has impacted his relationships with women

Heartbreaking: Joey Essex, 30, has candidly mentioned how his mom dying by suicide when he was simply 10 years outdated has impacted his relationships with girls

Within the emotional programme, Joey mentioned with a therapist how he struggles to imagine somebody may love him after his mom, Tina, who ‘beloved me greater than any woman will love me’ left him.

One fan took to Twitter to say: ‘Balling my eyes out at @JoeyEssex_ doc so bloody courageous of him,’ with one other echoing: ‘This Joey Essex documentary is breaking my coronary heart.’

A 3rd social media consumer added: ‘Joey Essex’s documentary each broke and warmed my coronary heart, as soon as once more proving how necessary prioritising your psychological well being is and the way a lot it may change your everyday life.’

A fourth hailed Joey’s work as ‘highly effective’ whereas admitting that they ‘balled all through’.

Brave: Speaking on Thursday in his new documentary Grief And Me, the TOWIE star touched upon the reasons he believes he has struggled to remain in a relationship

Courageous: Talking on Thursday in his new documentary Grief And Me, the TOWIE star touched upon the explanations he believes he has struggled to stay in a relationship

They wrote: ‘Such a robust documentary Joey, iv been balling all through.

‘Speaking is so necessary. I hope this encourage folks to begin opening up and talking out.

‘I will probably be making my nieces and nephew watch this as they misplaced there mum very younger and wrestle on daily basis.’ [sic]

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Hard to watch: Viewers flocked to Twitter to share that they had been left 'heartbroken' by the BBC documentary, with many revealing they had been left 'balling' their eyes out

Onerous to observe: Viewers flocked to Twitter to share that that they had been left ‘heartbroken’ by the BBC documentary, with many revealing that they had been left ‘balling’ their eyes out

A fifth individual added: ‘I’ve simply watched your documentary and I’m completely coronary heart damaged, I cannot cease myself crying, I can really feel your ache.’

One other social media consumer took to Twitter to say: ‘@JoeyEssex_ huge respect man! You made me cry watching u tonight, I do know that ache personally! Thanks for letting me watch ur journey, you are a legend.’

A seventh instructed how that they had been left ‘heartbroken’ but additionally with a ‘heat fuzzy feeling’.

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Twitter: One social media user added: 'Joey Essex's documentary both broke and warmed my heart, once again proving how important prioritising your mental health is'

Twitter: One social media consumer added: ‘Joey Essex’s documentary each broke and warmed my coronary heart, as soon as once more proving how necessary prioritising your psychological well being is’

‘It was completely good. Such a courageous factor to do and finished so effectively. I cried however I used to be left feeling heat and fuzzy.’

‘So emotional to observe. Such a courageous factor to do,’ tweeted a viewer.

One other sweetly instructed Joey his mom could be proud, penning: ‘Heartbreaking to observe Crying face Wrll finished Joey, your mum could be very happy with you.’ [sic]

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Another added: 'It was absolutely brilliant. Such a brave thing to do and done so well. I cried but I was left feeling warm and fuzzy'

One other added: ‘It was completely good. Such a courageous factor to do and finished so effectively. I cried however I used to be left feeling heat and fuzzy’

Joey defined that he hoped by opening up and coming to phrases along with his grief he could possibly transfer ahead, discover somebody and begin a household.

‘I wish to discover true happiness, I wish to discover real love. I have been in good relationships and I appear to push that away,’ he mentioned.

‘I believe my life has been too painful for that individual to be with as a result of I do not wish to put them via what I have been via and what I am going via so I appear to push good relationships away.

Candid: Joey explained that he hoped by opening up and coming to terms with his grief he may be able to move forward, find someone and start a family

Candid: Joey defined that he hoped by opening up and coming to phrases along with his grief he could possibly transfer ahead, discover somebody and begin a household

He said: 'I want to find true happiness, I want to find true love. I've been in good relationships and I seem to push that away'

He mentioned: ‘I wish to discover true happiness, I wish to discover real love. I have been in good relationships and I appear to push that away’

‘My mum, she beloved me however she left me. I simply do not imagine it. I believe to myself if she beloved me that a lot why would she depart me. I believe I am going to at all times ask myself why.’

As an alternative Joey admitted he entered into a number of relationships realizing they’d by no means progress or pushing folks away in order to guard himself.

Joey has had a number of romances over time with fellow TOWIE star Sam Faiers, mannequin Amy Willerton who he met on I am a Movie star, and The Hills star Stephanie Pratt.

Honest: Joey admitted he entered into several relationships knowing they would never progress or pushing people away in order to protect himself

Trustworthy: Joey admitted he entered into a number of relationships realizing they’d by no means progress or pushing folks away in order to guard himself

‘I do not belief lots of people, I simply do not,’ he mentioned. ‘The entire considered being left alone scares the life out of me as a result of I went via it as a child and it was simply terrible.

‘Think about if I beloved somebody, had children with them and I actually did love that individual after which she left me I would not know what to do.’

However after turning 30 he stepped again and checked out his life and determined he wished to ‘cease losing my personal time’ – as a substitute acknowledging he must be completely happy in himself to have the ability to discover a wholesome relationship.

30: But after turning 30,  Joey stepped back and looked at his life and decided he wanted to 'stop wasting my own time'

30: However after turning 30,  Joey stepped again and checked out his life and determined he wished to ‘cease losing my personal time’

Talking along with his cousin Chloe Sims, 38, Joey admitted he struggles to offer his coronary heart out to girls.

‘That is not a great way to suppose as a result of I am already considering we’re gonna break up earlier than we’re even collectively, I am pushing it away.

‘Now I’ve gone from this social gathering boy life genuinely now I am like woah I’ve had this huge relax, like I truly need a household. How do I make myself completely happy with out that?’

Cousins: Speaking with his cousin Chloe Sims, 38, Joey admitted he struggles to give his heart out to women

Cousins: Talking along with his cousin Chloe Sims, 38, Joey admitted he struggles to offer his coronary heart out to girls

The fact star additionally spoke concerning the feelings he had saved buried about his mom, typically in the previous avoiding talking overtly about her.

‘I simply do not suppose I am going to ever be capable of let it go. I do not wish to let go. I do not give a s*** about all this life we stay and all that. I might select her over something.

‘Lots of people say with this topic “however you do not know how she felt” and all this and all that nevertheless it’s like she removed her ache however now take a look at me.

Speaking his truth: Joey also spoke about the emotions he had kept buried about his mother, often in the past avoiding speaking openly about her

Talking his reality: Joey additionally spoke concerning the feelings he had saved buried about his mom, typically in the previous avoiding talking overtly about her

‘The whole lot I’ve achieved in life, it is like who’ve I obtained to show it to? Nobody. I might throw all the pieces away to spend one hour together with her.’

Joey revealed early on in the documentary that he typically struggles with feeling lonely in his giant Essex dwelling which, when he bought it 5 years in the past, he anticipated he could be sharing with somebody by now.

‘Individuals simply see me as this little Essex boy who is rather like residing the dream- made all the cash in the world and had a straightforward life, silver spoon in my mouth, however nobody actually is aware of what is going on on inside my head,’ he mentioned.

Whereas he shot to recognition on The Solely Means is Essex, after leaving his job at Billingsate Fish Market, Joey admitted he typically felt overwhelmed by his new-found fame all of the whereas nonetheless coping with his grief ten years on – typically getting panic assaults.

Touching upon the general public notion of him, Joey acknowledged that folks solely know one aspect of him.

Father: From a young age: Joey explained that he would often get hot and run around his house in a panic and in a conversation his father, Don, (pictured together) revealed that he would run his son a cold bath and once he cooled him down he was 'back to normal again'

Father: From a younger age: Joey defined that he would typically get scorching and run round his home in a panic and in a dialog his father, Don, (pictured collectively) revealed that he would run his son a chilly tub and as soon as he cooled him down he was ‘again to regular once more’

‘The previous seven years no ones actually seen me. Individuals do not actually know who I’m so typically it confuses me as a result of I do not actually know who I’m both.’

Throughout the documentary Joey additionally got here to the realisation he has been coping with panic assaults and anxiousness from a younger age.

Recalling his experiences as a young person, he instructed his therapist, Dr Stephen Blumenthal, that he used to get extraordinarily scorching and run round his home in a panic.

His father, Don, later revealed that he would run Joey a chilly tub and as soon as he cooled him down he was ‘again to regular once more’ however had hoped his son had forgotten the expertise as that they had by no means mentioned it earlier than.

Joey’s anxiousness as a toddler would additionally come to the floor in his sleep, when he would typically get up screaming and shouting ‘inform Mummy I like her’ repeatedly.

He admitted his mom’s loss of life left him ‘torn to items’ and he typically felt depressed, on a number of events taking himself to hospital satisfied there was one thing mistaken with him.

Sad: Joey revealed early on in the documentary that he often struggles with feeling lonely in his large Essex home

Unhappy: Joey revealed early on in the documentary that he typically struggles with feeling lonely in his giant Essex dwelling

Pertaining to the second he was instructed his mom had died, he mentioned he can bear in mind it ‘prefer it was yesterday’ as a result of it’s ‘a thought that can by no means go’.

‘Simply listening to the phrases mummy’s gone was sufficient, he mentioned. ‘I kind of simply mentioned to myself it is not true, like she’s coming again and I kind of believed that.’

His remedy journey was not at all times straightforward, together with one occasion the place he thought of giving up on his periods as he struggled to let Dr Blumenthal in.

Therapy: Joey (pictured as a child) admitted his therapy journey was not always easy, including one instance where he considered giving up on his sessions

Remedy: Joey (pictured as a toddler) admitted his remedy journey was not at all times straightforward, together with one occasion the place he thought of giving up on his periods 

In an emotional scene, he mentioned: ‘I’ve by no means took it this critical so I am discovering it tough. I do not belief you and I am getting pissed off I do not know, I can not even clarify it, its f****** laborious man. I simply really feel trapped. Simply typically that is how I really feel.’

Wrapping up the ultimate scenes from the emotional programme, Joey admitted he isn’t sure what precisely folks get out of remedy however felt he had observed a distinction in himself.

‘I do know for a reality I’ll by no means recover from the trauma. I’ll stay with that and that is the best way it’s however I’ve began to speak about it, I’ve opened up about it, I can take a look at photos I can lastly try this which is big.

‘I am simply proud and I am glad that I confronted it. I can stay with it now and simply maintain transferring. I can solely take positives out of all the pieces I have been via.’

Joey Essex: Grief And Me aired on BBC One at 9pm on June 3 and will probably be obtainable on BBC Three on iPlayer from 6am.

Closing scenes: Wrapping up the final scenes Joey admitted he's not certain what exactly people get out of therapy but felt he had noticed a difference in himself

Closing scenes: Wrapping up the ultimate scenes Joey admitted he isn’t sure what precisely folks get out of remedy however felt he had observed a distinction in himself

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