Modern Love Podcast: A Holiday Lesson About Desire

Paula grew up in foster care, and yr after yr she would discover herself “clobbered by want” when the vacations rolled round. She longed for a mom and father to rescue her and “make every part higher”; she wished for the hip-huggers and video games she noticed on TV.

When she was 21, she met a person named Jeff who ruptured this annual cycle of want. He turned the inspiration for a hard-earned Christmas lesson.

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“The Vacation of My Goals Was Simply That,” Paula McLain

“What did love really feel prefer to you as a toddler?” Daniel Jones requested Paula on the finish of episode. Paula recalled getting dropped off at her first foster residence, with garments and rubbish luggage. “It doesn’t really feel like love,” she mentioned. “It’s like every part is bent on making an attempt to determine these folks simply to verify they don’t offer you away once more.”

Quite a bit has modified in Paula’s life since her essay was printed in 2007. Her e book “The Paris Spouse,” which got here out in 2011, went on to change into a greatest vendor. And as she revealed to Daniel, she additionally received divorced. “I couldn’t have imagined that current after I was barreling down the freeway,” she mentioned. “As soon as I left that marriage,” she continued, “I received larger.” Her new novel, “When the Stars Go Darkish,” comes out subsequent yr.

Hosted by: Daniel Jones and Miya Lee
Produced by: Kelly Prime and Hans Buetow
Edited by: Wendy Dorr and Sara Sarasohn
Music by: Dan Powell
“A Candy Reminder,” written and skim by: Meg Christman
“The Vacation of my Goals Was Simply That,” narration by: Samantha Desz, produced by Ryan Wegner and Kelly Rogers at Audm
Government Producer, NYT Audio: Lisa Tobin
Assistant Managing Editor, NYT: Sam Dolnick

Particular thanks: Nora Keller, Mahima Chablani, Julia Simon, Laura Kim, Bonnie Wertheim, Anya Strzemien, Joanna Nikas and Choire Sicha.

Need extra from Trendy Love? Learn previous tales. Watch the TV collection and join the publication. We even have swag on the NYT Retailer and two books, “Trendy Love: True Tales of Love, Loss, and Redemption” and “Tiny Love Tales: True Tales of Love in 100 Phrases or Much less.”